{Places You Will Go}

“If you want to keep your memories, you first have to live them.” 
― Bob Dylan

{Spring Rain}

“I wanted to write the most beautiful poem but that is impossible; the world has written its own.”

-Dejan Stojanovic, The Sun Watches the Sun

Spring and rain. Buds and blossoms. Mornings running in and out of my car. Avoiding the rain. No umbrella. Just steady rain that is cold and hits my head. Which is now completely soaked. My jacket repels the rain but my legs are damp. And I hate that. The feeling of wet pants but I have no choice but to keep running through the rain.
Cold raindrops find a way to run down my neck and I shiver. Run into the car, turn on the heat. Turn off the heat.  I'm so cold and then minutes later it's a sauna in the car.
Where is the sun? Just clouds and steady rain. Beautiful, steady, pouring spring rain. With lots of puddles where I see two ducks swim. Enjoying the rain and their newfound lake. In the middle of the city. I catch sight of spring buds and am thankful for this rain. 

{Five Minutes on Nicollet}

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.” 
― Woody Allen




I had my camera on hand when I was downtown today and played a quick game where I took a few shots of the same street corner with a time limit to challenge quick creativity....
Ok, honestly it turned into a game because I was tired and there was construction on Nicollet with a jackhammer engraving a migraine into my forehead. So my usual leisure shoot was wrapped up fast before I crossed the line of no return.
And as far as the quote, I just think of Woody Allen when I think downtown for some reason. Maybe because he's so tied to New York City in my mind.
That's all I got! It was fun to shoot the city no matter how short or well-intended.

{Thought on Faith-Easter Edition}

“I don't aspire to be a good man. I aspire to be a whole man.” 
― C.G. Jung



Today I read an article from Marianne Williamson regarding Easter and the resurrection.  In summary, she proposed that today marks a time to look at the way people, constantly, disassemble and then rise up again through the course of their lives.  The resurrection is humanity dusting off an ass kicking and plowing forward. Wiser, Stronger. With appreciation for what was learned and endured.

I'm not sure what I believe about Easter. Raised a Christian, it is still my mother's favorite holiday and I only bring this up because it has been burned into my brain.  I can relate ad nauseum the story of the crucifixion. It's insanely violent, and as a kid I found it hard to believe. Things just didn't add up and while the whole idea was inspiring, it was so out there that it was hard, in the end to really believe it happened.  Something a little more realistic would have lured me in. Keeping some of the mystical but toning it down a notch.  Maybe something like Jesus died and three days later another tablet of commandments he penned was found that was even more inspiring and wonderful than the first ten. So with new found knowledge,  the disciples are elated, invigorated and renewed. Heading  out to preach the gospel with fire in their bellies and flames of faith pouring from their lips.  I don't know. More or less something like that.

I'm not trying to sound cynical or put down anyone's faith. Personally, I believe it all comes down to the same thing and different religious or spiritual pathways speak to the beautiful diversity of people. We are not all going to comprehend God or the Universe the same way or at all even. I'm down with Jesus. He is one of my heroes in faith and love. The grace he poured out to everyone humbles me. Everyone, absolutely everyone was loved.

And after thinking about it some more. Easter comes down to a day where I just take time to appreciate what God is to me. Which is love. Loving and caring for each other. Not being an asshole. The Golden Rule. Taking time to help out people that have less that me. Showing gratitude. All parts of God. All and all just love.

Happy Easter! Love the ones your with!

{Magic Wands}

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

-- by Charles Bukowski

{Tulip Thursday}

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.” 
― Anaïs Nin


It was a magnificent day. Thursday. Who would think Thursday could be the new Friday. But for me, at least it was.  I took the day off and finally attended to some put off matters. The first being sleep. As in catching up on months of lack of sleep. I woke up early, had some coffee, then thought to myself..."why don't you be like normal people and lay back down. come on now, try to sleep in!"
So I did. And it worked! I slept pretty late. I'm not sure how I felt about it. I enjoyed being rested but I felt like most of the day was gone. One of the reasons, besides work of course, I get up early is because of the feeling that the day is new and there is stillness to enjoy and time to ease into the day. Waking up late, I bolted up and felt frantic. Not enough time. So much to do. Just like the rabbit from Alice in wonderland.
Back to the sun was out. When the sun is shining, all in my life is a fairy tale in which I skip through the day with unrelenting optimism and massive productivity(smirk). Or let's just say I get shit done that's been backed up for awhile. On days like this, there is motivation and energy to leave the house.  Therefore I went on a run and finally did some much needed errand running. This Thursday ended with grocery shopping and picking up the necessary flowers that I did not have the energy to grab yesterday. They are still wrapped up tight in their buds, but the colors and anticipation of their budding brings me joy. Now that, is a marvelous Thursday!

{Denial}

“Still, when I read the story, I felt like I'd written half of it myself, and the author guy was responsible for the other half. And when the two halves came together it was like the end of amnesia and all the memories came flooding back. The best stories are like that. They're like spaceships. they take you somewhere far away and you think, oh, what a weird place. But then you think, wait, maybe I've been here before. Maybe I was even born here.” 
― Victor Lodato, Mathilda Savitch


Here is what I'm going to do, because it is snowing out. Slushy, gross, wet snow. Yesterday it was so beautiful. I was happy, the sun was shining, hope was in the air. People love to talk about weather, and everywhere I went, at each encounter someone said something about this storm. In my head, I said "No. No. This will not happen. Why look how nice it is out side." I am amazingly good at living in denial. Too good.
Well, it has arrived and I curse mother nature silently. Whine about how I live here, in Minnesota. Where in one day you have to wear 5 layers of clothing to adjust to the range of temps throughout the day. Where the winds come sweeping through the plains or city streets and are so strong one's car door smacks up against one's back at a massive speed inflicting severe pain. And the slush up the pants, I. Can't. Even. Begin.  Sensory wise, that is unnerving.
In the spirit of adjusting my attitude I will post pictures of beautiful flowers I bought some time ago. Irises and tulips a few of my favorites. I meant to pick up tulips today but was so tired from work and in desperate need of a nap I came directly home.
And I will also take this time to slow it down, like I mentioned yesterday. Put on some comfy clothes, make some hot chocolate and read for awhile. Get lost in somewhere, sometime else. Ah yes denial. Thank goodness for books.

{Things Unsaid}

Today

Today I’m flying low and I’m
not saying a word.
I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.

The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.

But I’m taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I’m traveling
a terrific distance.

Stillness. One of the doors
into the temple.

– By Mary Oliver



I always get chills when I read Mary Oliver. Her work is beautiful and how she uses her words flow magically and touch my heart. This poem really stuck out to me. I'm pretty guilty of running at a marathon pace then crashing into bed at a million miles an overstimulated hour. Especially these last few months. Yesterday, I finally put the break on and took some time for fellowship with some dear friends and movement at a much slower pace. It was magical. We ate the tastiest Mexican food, chatted about everything, laughed and I was told or reminded that I needed to, as they put it, "get a life" and balance things out a tad more. Ouch. But gratefully appreciated.

I do believe much of that connection to people and things larger than us happen in those quiet, sometimes unsaid moments. Between conversations. In looks, walking together down the street on a crisp spring night, driving home and noticing the raging pink sunset. Amazing moments surround me always.  Sharing them with others is even better.

So getting this "life" thing. Yeah, I suppose I'll keep working on that one. Don't want to miss out on any more pink sunsets, uplifting fellowship with groovy friends and mostly the calmness of my own heart when I apply this principle to my life.

{Spring in My Step}

“You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again.”-Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazo

Today is the first day of spring and it looks an awful lot like the last day of winter. But nonetheless I could not resist dusting off my real camera and recording March 20th the official first day of spring . I will not onslaught this blog with a million pictures of twigs like I did last spring...except one. which I love because it looks a pretty trippy 90's fuzzy hair lamp that were popular when I was in high school. You could put your hand over it and it would move and feel soft, light up....They were sold at Spencer's at the mall. That's all I remember.  So what else do you shoot on the first day of spring when honestly, even if you go to a lake, there are pretty much only twigs....The answer is in the second picture...

which is a snail. Or at least I think it is. I had to look real hard to find something a cute as this little guy just hanging out here in the cold lake.  I would have gotten even closer if I had boots on. It is was a pretty close distance a face plant as it was trying to get this with a 50 mm.  And that's really all I have for now except for the last picture which I just liked. Welcome Spring, I can't wait til you liven things up a bit.

{Metamorphosis}

You don’t need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Don’t even listen, simply wait.
Don’t even wait.
Be quite still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you.
To be unmasked, it has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
-Franz Kafka



The most beautiful thing about spring is the slow awakening of color, life, energy, movement-as in you start to really see people again. No longer held up in the tree branch, ground or their winter slumber. The city awakens with a big yawn and stretch to a fresh new season .
There is a vitality, new energy and I can feel the sluggishness of winter leave my body. Ahhh, so wonderful. Winter feels tight and heavy. That's the only way I can explain it, whether it's the low pressure or clenching my body from the wind and cold. I can relax and breathe with ease come spring.
Simply put, I love the color spring brings. Everywhere, there are flowers blooming! What else can I say. Seems like a good place to wrap it up!

{Grins and Giggles}

“Come clean with a child heart 
Laugh as peaches in the summer wind 
Let rain on a house roof be a song
 Let the writing on your face be a smell of apple orchards on late June.” 
 ― Carl Sandburg, Honey and Salt I can smell spring. Literally, it has been pouring all day and this scent embodies spring to me. In honor of this upcoming most wonderful time of year, I thought of posting some favorite spring memories. These two photographs contain three spring favorites-parks, play and pals. What can be better than that! (Maybe ice cream mixed in there?)

{Traffic Jams}

“I want to write something so simply about love or about pain that even as you are reading you feel it and as you read you keep feeling it and though it be my story it will be common, though it be singular it will be known to you so that by the end you will think— no, you will realize— that it was all the while yourself arranging the words, that it was all the time words that you yourself, out of your heart had been saying.” ― Mary Oliver, Evidence: Poems This tattered rose reminds me of a heart-which reminds me, for some reason, about a lesson I did as a school counselor sometime ago about the effects of words on the heart. It was a great visual exercise to demonstrate to tweens how their behavior impacts someone and can leave its mark for years to come. Taking a piece of paper, clean and uncrumpled, I repeated words I heard in the hallway that were unkind or bullying in nature. With each word or phrase the paper crumpled and slowly formed into a ball. As I pulled it back to it's original shape, it remained crinkled and torn. Much like a person's heart after it's been hurt by another. It never is the same. It worked for awhile. The kids all were shocked, hugged and promised to be nice to each other from here on out:) A school counselor win. Thinking about my own life and having been on both sides of the coin, I know broken and bruised hearts are unavoidable. We grow up, carry more stories and more baggage. Hurt people, hurt people. Friends fight, divorces happen, parents fall off pedestals. And I know, with time, those wrinkles in the heart heal, toughen up and are our life story. The heart is a precious and powerful organ. It filters life into every inch of our bodies and is home to the soul. Personally, I don't want to be a person who intentionally damages such a remarkable thing. But, my mouth, can get me into a lot of trouble. When I'm tired, hungry, feeling threatened, irritated, overstimulated, being cut off in traffic, or perhaps you are in front of me in the grocery store express line with one over the allotted amount for check-out....oh boy that one does it. So there it is. Just a ongoing responsibility to censor my mouth with intention and awareness. Or maybe I'll listen more and talk less. That's where peace starts. And now I'm just starting to go off in a loop and ramble. So I finish with saying that the point of all this to reminds myself to mind my words (said in a teacher tone). The heart is precious and delicate. Like this beautiful and weathered rose. So the next time I am cut off on 494 after a long day at work, instead of shouting a very obvious profanity in exaggerated form so the other driver can tell what I said, I will blow that person a kiss or give a thumbs up and this small change will add more peace and love into the world (sappy sappy...:)..)

{Stillness Speaks}

“The child is in me still and sometimes not so still.” ― Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

{A Curious Mind}

“I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt This little one was full of all sorts of wise four year old words during a session I had the other day. I hadn't seen her since she was one year old and the change astounded me. I suppose that is how it goes...She was so mild mannered and observant. We played a bit and took pictures for awhile. I enjoyed them both. I rarely ask people to pose during sessions, but there was a request to get a nice shot in her new spring dress. I got a collection of nice portraits-but this was my favorite...Gazing out the window. Taking the city in and processing it all with the four year old brain wired on wonder and curiosity.

{Gentle Reminders}

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.” ― Donald Miller It was somewhat of a challenging day...people yelling at me, working long hours, cold weather, self-pitying poor attitude, can turn it around if I tried attitude. So here, to combat this pit I refuse to go into, I post a beautiful picture of pure happiness. As a reminder that "this too shall pass..." and over all my life is full of beauty. I have much to be grateful for But back to the munchkin in the tub... I mean look at this little pumpkin. It's my girlfriend's granddaughter getting a bath old school style. There were some shock tears but overall she was joyful and I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her energy and vibe was perfect. It was peaceful and curious. She babbled, stuck stuff in her mouth, sucked on the side of the sink. Explored absolutely everything. Just writing about it makes me feel good. With that I'll finish with a cliche. March might have come in like a Lion but today it settled nicely with a little lamb:) Peace.