{Spring blossoms and beams}

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” 
-Virginia Woolf

{Power}

Living in the earth-deposits of our history



Today a backhoe divulged out of a crumbling flank of earth

one bottle amber perfect a hundred-year-old

cure for fever or melancholy a tonic

for living on this earth in the winters of this climate.

Today I was reading about Marie Curie:

she must have known she suffered from radiation sickness

her body bombarded for years by the element

she had purified

It seems she denied to the end

the source of the cataracts on her eyes

the cracked and suppurating skin of her finger-ends

till she could no longer hold a test-tube or a pencil

She died a famous woman denying

her wounds

denying

her wounds came from the same source as her power.
-Adrienne Rich


I thought I'd let a brilliant writer share my thoughts for the day. I discovered her in a roundabout way as I'm currently reading the book Wild and Adrienne Rich's "Power" was cited.  It was late last night when I read it and I felt a surge of energy and connection. It took some time to ramp the brain down and ease into sleep. But it eventually came.

Spending an hour or so at Asbury Woods this afternoon, walking, praying, observing. It was brilliant outside and the boardwalk was cleared mostly from the snow. It was an invigorating walk and brought back good memories of when I was young and a volunteered here.  I can accredit this experience for my fearlessness when it comes to snakes. Or maybe a better would be not scaredtheshitof them...unlike spiders.  Which scare the FUCK out of me...even itty bitty, dead and curled up in a ball ones. Yuck!

 One of my volunteering duties was giving the boa constricter a bath and feeding a dinner plane of mice. Which was kind of sad in retrospect. I thought the snakes was mean, tough, sly and patient...and the mice were stupid, wandering and obvious.  They squeaked and didn't shut up...and pooped a ton.

I would think how awful it would be do be those mice just chilling out in a new pad full of space and warmth, or so these rodents thought. In all reality there were in a death row line up...with a huge Boa licking it's slithering long, tongue . It was at this time I also realized I think too much:) And felt to much. I mean, who feels so sad for a mouse? I do.

But today, the woods was a haven to my busy mind.  I took what I now call my "Forrest Gump" walks , camera in hand; relaxing and welcoming peace.

{Sacred Space}

If you are a dreamer, come in, If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer. . . If you’re a pertender, come sit by my fire For we have some flx-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come In! ~Shel Silverstein One of my most treasured moments as a mom is reading with my children. Or watching them read, learn to read, discover a juicy book that they can't put down. My daughter is a voracious reader and I love it. She gets sad when good books end. Befriends characters. Get's lost in stories and new worlds. This picture really captures that for me and it is precious. I miss these days very much. When I could just see and watch her. Daily. Bug her and give her kisses.
 I know not to look back too much. It takes me to a place I'd rather not be. In my own head. But I look at pictures like these and my heart swells and my head spins. And for a few moments I'm looking backward. Trying to filter the good feelings. Which out weight the heaviness of other memories. I don't regret any moments of my life because they are leading me to a really good spot. The only problem is I'm not quite sure what that is yet. And boy, that drives me insane. It feels like God is fucking with me. Damn it. Knee capping out my foundation and replacing it with a stronger base and frame.
I have a lot to be grateful for as I move forward. I have a lot to be grateful for when I look back too. I struggle to be mindful. Stay present. Watch my thoughts and not BE them. Then I shut the fuck up and work hard at building the foundation I look at pictures of her a lot though. I'm happy. They are sacred too me. And we are characters in a book. Figuring out a new story

{Puddle Beam}

“This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.” 
-Walt Whitman

This almost spring puddle caught my eye on an evening walk today. I spent quite some time trying to capture the dancing light that strummed across the surface. Looking like diamonds or glitter...Diamonds on the soles of my shoes. And then after I got home realizing they were also all soaked up the back up my pants, almost to my knees. Oh sweet, lovely spring I've miss you.

{Passports}

“But those who seek only reassurance from life will never be more than tourists—seeing everything and trying to possess what can only be felt.
Beauty is the shadow of imperfection.” 
― Simon Van Booy, Everything Beautiful Began After

I'm still planning to post to this blog frequently and more so with personal art and reflections. My new business blog can be found here:
Stacey Thayer Photography
Check it out!