{Sticks and Stones}

“Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read. Fought against it for a minute. Then looked out the window at the rain. And gave over. Put myself entirely in the keep of this rainy morning. Would I live my life over again? Make the same unforgivable mistakes? Yes, given half a chance. Yes.” ― Raymond Carver, All of Us: The Collected Poems

{Maps of Being}

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't.” ― Stephen King, The Stand

{Bright Spot}

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me,i and my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the colour of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands -e.e.cummings (somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond)

{Shots of Grace}

A life is such a strange object, at one moment translucent, at another utterly opaque, an object I make with my own hands...” ― Simone de Beauvoir, After the War When I was in high school I took a career interest inventory that indicated farming/agriculture as my top compatible career. I laughed this off of course and for years made jokes about how far off this was to my personality and vocational dreams. Years later, there is nothing more I desire than a hunk of land off in the country fields with a barn, cows, chickens and all things farm related. Today I write this just so I can keep the focus on the dream. It's my hope to have lots of land, away from the city but close enough that I still retain my social skills and can shop at Target once in awhile. There would be lots of land and less city sidewalks and noise. My time in the city was wonderful but it's time to move on into more peace and serenity. I'm still really forming what all this looks like in my head but I know I would work for myself again and morph my counseling background and love for art. Perhaps teach classes, photograph, create art and use art to assist in healing and personal growth. Having the space and the lifestyle that supports serenity and personal growth. I know I love to be in movement once the day starts. Whether it be working with my hands to cook or planting to flowers to hoola hooping and painting with my kids, it fuels further energy and creativity as opposed to sitting at a desk job or cramped into a concrete school building with one token window to let the light in. This has really been a key insight for me, understanding that I'm a very hands on, visual learner, worker, doer in life. I have always been wired toward self-employment but I have learned it takes focus, determination and most importantly, which I've noticed lacking in my life previous, thick skin...or resiliency in the face of adversity and failure. And boy have I failed epically over the last decade. Whew! Personal relationships, career, parenting...ad infinitium. As my heroine, Brene Brown has inspired in me that courage comes in rising after the fall. And in these falls I've actually found what I don't want and keys towards what I do want in my life. What is necessary to be healthy and purposeful. While I certainly would have preferred and easier softer way, life deals out the cards it believes necessary for soul healing...and the grace to mold it with one's own hands.

{Second Sight}

Sometimes, you need the ocean light, and colors you've never seen before painted through an evening sky. Sometimes you need your God to be a simple invitation, not a telling word of wisdom. Sometimes you need only the first shyness that comes from being shown things far beyond your understanding, so that you can fly and become free by being still and by being still here.... ~David Whyte, from 'Pilgrim'

{Artist Date}

“There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland.” ― L.M. Montgomery, The Story Girl

{A New Year's Favorite}

Though she be but little, she is fierce!” ― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream The start of the new year brings purging of the Lightroom catalogue. It's always a treasure to find old wonderful photographs from when the kids were little...and these just melt my heart.