Thursday, May 21, 2015


Baseball is like church. Many attend few understand-Leo Durocher may21 None of my photographs of my daughter playing softball do not include a metal fence overlay. I tried but sports photography is just not my talent as of yet. I was quite envious of the cool dad who had the tripod and the huge ass lens that was shooting away at the tournament over the weekend. Maybe someday...although I'm sure I would have to up the weight training to hold that lens and perhaps some yoga to improve balance to not fall over shooting with the lens. That would be a disaster and embarrass my children. I love this photograph because of the light and the perspective. I don't at all understand softball or baseball but I enjoy the environment and watching my kids play. There is always a lot to watch at games and I find my eyes darting around taking all the details in, listening to conversations around me and chatting with other parents and fans. Unlike their soccer or basketball games, baseball and softball can move pretty slow. It defiantly has a different rhythm and it works cause that is how I like to roll these days.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

{To all those days}

“Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the Romance of the unusual.”-Ernest Hemingway



So I'll just go ahead and do that then Mr. Hemingway... I'm believing that my 40's not only will be but have to be better than those crazy 30's. I never have minded getting older. I acknowledge those normal moments that come with time. Contemplation and noticing how fast life goes, holding onto growing children and asking them to slow down, aching joints, memories that are colored and fainter. I welcome the wisdom that comes with experience and choices (for better or worse) that accumulated into 40 years of a pretty darn good life. Those massive barriers and boundaries holding life safely at bay has given way to more gentleness and appreciation of precious present moments...

Thursday, May 7, 2015

{Trusty and True}

Nothing is less real than realism. Details are confusing. It is only by selection, by elimination, by emphasis, that we get at the real meaning of things.” 
―Georgia O'Keeffe

I spent the good part of my morning banging my head against the proverbial brick wall called Photoshop.  I love photoshop but we were not seeing eye to eye on anything today.  The level of anxiety, stimulation and frustration escalated as I cropped the same picture over and over trying to fit it just perfectly into it's template.  Eventually it worked but it pissed me off to no end how long it took...My patience was no where to be seen. I looked everywhere.

Bringing it down a notch,  I recall wise people I know that say gratitude is the cure for a sour mood. And I am grateful for a job I love. I am grateful for a$$ hole Photoshop template sizing that makes no sense.  They are like puzzles and stimulate my brain. Much needed and noted thank you God..

And so, with that, the sob story blog post is done.

However, should I ever happen upon a magic genie in a bottle, I'd ask for sainthood patience and instant photoshop mastery.

I do see the irony with this. I have a lot of work to do.

So with a blink, a nose wink and a sigh I sign off for my hot date with Photoshop (swoon). We just adore each other!

Saturday, May 2, 2015

{Tulips, Ted Talks and Transmarginal Inhibition...}

“Do not become a mere recorder of facts, but try and penetrate the mystery of their origin.” ― Ivan Pavlov I would guess most people are aware of Pavlov and his infamous "Salivating Dog"experiment. At least, if you have ever taken a Psych 101 course, the ringing bell...the dog might come back to you. I'm not a huge behaviorist but I found this experiment fascinating and toyed with ideas on how it could be used in non-therapy life. Once I became a parent, behavior mod was a go to plan. No bell involved! I promise. I hate the sound of ringing bells...

 Another theory of Pavlov is Transmarginal Shutdown. This term and phenomena I am well aware of as someone with a sensitive nervous system. In layman's terms it's one's pain threshold and how fast the point of no return is met. Depending, literally, on the direction of the wind, since changes in air pressure make me CRAWL out of my skin, I can reach this point quicker than the average folk. Whatever average is. So the level of stress over the last three years has been pretty above normal. Even for average people. Naturally, I've been looking for non-destructive and non self-sabatoging behavior since, having tried most, I've learned the temporary relief is no where near the benefit of momentary relief. And having my share of drama, I'm drama-ed out. It's called being a grown up right?

 Which leads to Ted Talks. My current podcast type obsession. I love them and have found great tools to use in dealing with stress. A recent one in particular focused on success and meeting life goals. I'm generalizing and might be hard to follow, but the speaker talked about three areas to focus on (as suggested by Warren Buffet)to be your above average human being. What stood out to me was his discussion about writing and remembering. The speaker tied it to growth mindset and learning, professing that even writing as little as 5 minutes a day will leave a record of moments, memories thoughts that build you up, make you smarter. I enjoying writing and random observations are always floating around my mind but I'm not too disciplined in keeping methods of recording with me. And I've tried...I'll keep trying. He might be on to something. This blog has been a great journal and has spanned since the beginning of my photography business. I would agree with his statement and add that it has helped in moments of transmarginal shutdown induced memory loss. I can re-read posts and feel more grounded and at ease. Seen growth, red flags and wonderful memories.

 And last,  tulips, well what is there to say but they are the best flower ever. I can't get enough of them and so happy we are in tulip season so I can quit with the twig photo obsession and move on to something more inspiring... And that is five minutes of streaming thought for today!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015


“My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover. ~ Falsely yours” -Charles Bukowski Ahhh sucking every piece of marrow out of life and then some. No one puts as quite "eloquently" as him. I love his words and every time I read him I am moved some way or another. One direction or another. Now that...that I love.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

{Keep Calm and Hope}

“Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us.”

-Anne Lamott
Ann Lammott could be one of my favorite people ever and if I could have a coffee and chat with her sometime in my life I'd die a happy woman. Her books are authentic, funny, insightful and full of faith and grace. The first book I read of hers Traveling Mercies planted ideas about healthily living and loving long before I was able to really grasp how to live the truths for myself. What I appreciate about her so much, beside her amazing victory over addiction oh and her writing style...ok I appreciate a lot of things. But she is a straight shooter. And talks to word of my people...if you catch what I mean. It's hard to dole out bullshit excuses after I read her. Here is a certainty I need burned in my brain. It should have been branded on me at birth. Right on my behind as a warning label...I don't need to prove anything. Preaching it. I've struggled with good times of not giving a hoot and blazing my own trail. And other times, oh let's say since 2009 or so I've felt this knawing to prove something. It's honestly the truest form of insanity I've ever encountered. A no-win contest and makes me miserable. And underneath all of this neurosis is the question "to who am holding these standards to?" Love is big and the scope of how to apply true loving to my life is a journey I honestly have just begun. I can't begin to describe how hope feels to me these days...and I shouldn't have to prove it:)

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

{Budding Potential}

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.” 
-Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 5: A Game of You

My obsession with sticks, buds and other twig like things will soon pass. I will be replaced, with who knows. I have to say it is pretty darn cool to see how they change daily on my walks these days. They were hiding under there all winter ready to break free! And that is my zen moment for the day...