Saturday, April 25, 2015

{Keep Calm and Hope}

“Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us.”

-Anne Lamott
Ann Lammott could be one of my favorite people ever and if I could have a coffee and chat with her sometime in my life I'd die a happy woman. Her books are authentic, funny, insightful and full of faith and grace. The first book I read of hers Traveling Mercies planted ideas about healthily living and loving long before I was able to really grasp how to live the truths for myself. What I appreciate about her so much, beside her amazing victory over addiction oh and her writing style...ok I appreciate a lot of things. But she is a straight shooter. And talks to word of my people...if you catch what I mean. It's hard to dole out bullshit excuses after I read her. Here is a certainty I need burned in my brain. It should have been branded on me at birth. Right on my behind as a warning label...I don't need to prove anything. Preaching it. I've struggled with good times of not giving a hoot and blazing my own trail. And other times, oh let's say since 2009 or so I've felt this knawing to prove something. It's honestly the truest form of insanity I've ever encountered. A no-win contest and makes me miserable. And underneath all of this neurosis is the question "to who am holding these standards to?" Love is big and the scope of how to apply true loving to my life is a journey I honestly have just begun. I can't begin to describe how hope feels to me these days...and I shouldn't have to prove it:)

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

{Budding Potential}

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.” 
-Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 5: A Game of You

My obsession with sticks, buds and other twig like things will soon pass. I will be replaced, with who knows. I have to say it is pretty darn cool to see how they change daily on my walks these days. They were hiding under there all winter ready to break free! And that is my zen moment for the day...

Friday, April 17, 2015

{Umbrellas at Beaches}

Broken windows and empty hallways,
a pale lit moon in a sky streaked with grey.
Human kindness is overflowing,
and I think it's gonna rain today
-Bette Midler

I love the movie Beaches. When it came out I saw it more times than I could count. And who could stop playing the poignant "wind beneath my wings."  We even sang it in high school chorus, deep and moving chords...Or should I say, as deep as you can get when you are 16 years old and singing a significantly emotional song...which then, in your short years you most likely had no idea what the hell you were singing.  But it was still beautiful. And how can you go wrong with the words hero, wind and wings as the structure of your song. That WAS the 80's and early 90's...I'm sure of it.  Mostly, the song made people treat each other better. Perhaps elicit some empathy. So I was all for it.
It meant the real popular girls were nice to me for a week...

Much later, I was listening to a show tunes Pandora station (Theater nerds, like goonies, never die!) and "I think it's going to rain today" came on and it moved me. Similar to wind beneath my wings. I don't even remember it in the movie that I had watched, I'm pretty sure close to 100 times. I even had the soundtrack. It's interesting to me the whole concept of music, songs, lyrics and meanings. I'm pretty intuitive so usually when something strikes me I just know it's important for some reason or the other. Sometimes it's a long time down the road...So rain has just been on my mind a lot lately. I guess I'll put this all together at some point. Maybe I need to watch Beaches again.

Today I did a short photo walk in the rain to track down some daffodil shots for my mother. In all honesty I can't stand these flowers. I'm not sure why. I think I associate them with too much church and Easter church services. But they were so stunning to me covered in raindrops. I just tried to study and appreciate them from a different, fresh perspective. It sort of worked...

Then I at the end of my walk I saw these beauties. White and yellow toned...I must confess, I have a new appreciation for this flower.  The flower of Hope I am told.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

{9 to 5}

“In my own life, as winters turn into spring, I find it not only hard to cope with mud but also hard to credit the small harbingers of larger life to come, hard to hope until the outcome is secure. Spring teaches me to look more carefully for the green stems of possibility; for the intuitive hunch that may turn into a larger insight, for the glance or touch that may thaw a frozen relationship, for the stranger's act of kindness that makes the world seem hospitable again.” 
 ― Parker J. Palmer, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation

Thursday, April 9, 2015

{To Reverie}

Written love is going out of fashion, but the benefits remain. There are still souls for whom love is the contact of two poetries, the fusion of two reveries. To tell a love, one must write. Love is never finished expressing itself, and it expresses itself better the more poetically it is dreamed. The reveries of two solitary souls prepare the sweetness of loving. The reality of love is mutilated when it is detached from all its unrealness. 
 Gaston Bachelard In honor of my new favorite word: Reverie
 rev·er·ie ˈrev(ə)rē/ noun a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream.
"a knock on the door broke her reverie"
synonyms: daydream, daydreaming, trance, musing;
MUSIC an instrumental piece suggesting a dreamy or musing state.
 archaic a fanciful or impractical idea or theory. I just love it...

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

{Expressions of the Soul}

“I tell you this to break your heart, by which I mean only that it break open and never close again to the rest of the world.” ― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 2 Lately, I've been thinking of how to merge all the best parts of my work life into one perfect career. Because Perfection exist right (eye roll). I say this tongue and cheek but I do believe that their is a calling for each one of us. I saw a cute and overly simple venn diagram that indicated true vocation was where what you love, what you do well, what the world needs and what people will pay intersect. This Pinterest pin has really set off a chain reaction of introspection, investigation and action (another ven diagram!). It's been fun to look at patterns and ways different job duties over the years could merge and create different work, different pathways. For instance how about a funeral home assistant? Noooo....too much...what's the word...Death. And death to me, most days, is overwhelming and freaks me out. But I did a lot of counseling with people who came into the flower shop to order funeral work for the deceased. I enjoyed that part of my job immensely. Helping people and listening. Using flowers to help ease the pain of death. Lot's of reflective listening and unconditional positive regard. My point in all of this is, it was an job concoction that I never thought would appear in my life. As in, NEVER EVER...whew! So I'm investigating art therapy right now and I love it. I haven't been excited about something in all my life with the exception of photography. In hindsight, I realized that during my time as a school counselor I used play and art to connect with students most often as early teen hood does not an articulate student make. However, open a game of Jenga or pull out the paint and play dough and a once muted 12 year old boy (yes a boy!) becomes chatterbox station. It really is a fascinating, growing field. Most important, I notice too in the last few years, as I transition from the period of the divorce and some challenging health issues that it has been art, poetry, movement helping me heal. And thank god for that....Feel like crying, make art. Going to court, make art. Complete existential crisis...oh yes, lots of art. (I can't take credit for that last thoughts, I saw it it from an inspiring artist on Facebook, different examples...same point) Lots of intersecting going on here. Expressive Art Therapy would be it's formal name and it a growing, well researched field. So let's jaunt down that pathway and see where it goes...

Saturday, March 28, 2015

{Spring blossoms and beams}

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” 
-Virginia Woolf