Friday, August 28, 2015

{It makes the world go Round}

“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” 
― Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember


This post is dedicated to Fred Rogers and The Hug. The human hug. The thing you need on a Friday night when the world has kicked your ass and takin names. But you love the world and all it's ass kicking and just need a hug. Or to laugh. So I haven't had time to write in the morning but it's so needed with the job I'm in right now to keep sane.

So here is to the tender hearts. Like Fred Rogers...who I met when I was 9 or so on the front steps of a Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh PA, many years ago. Cozy up in that sweet sweater on Friday night. I love his show like there is no tomorrow. I love this man.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015


“Nothing happens until something moves.” 
― Albert Einstein

Untitled-1Organization, creativity, structure, motion.
I'm going to use this moment to upchuck all over this blog because I am very underslept and overwhelmed. I've spent the beginning of my week in a training that was both facinating and stifiling.  As a creative, I value the dicipline it takes to get work done.
There are lots of ideas, thoughts that come to my head but I know it is the motion that brings them to life.  
I can hoenstly say that  many times I idle at the 1/4 inch tip that touches the motion, like a wave you see coming toward the shore, wondering if it will make a crash landing or just slide on into the beach.
It's electrifiying place to be, my body and mind feel uncomfortable.
Keeping it classy, I 100% want to vomit every time I show my work or my art.
But shit needs to get done
How to shape the shoreline?
So this training,
 I love good trainings, because it brings together different brains, ideas and fun
This one was about standards, organization, productivity (all important stuff)
Hmm, well, let's talk about that
Back to the presentation
 I am not the most organized person so I'm all on THIS.
I took notes, I listened, I participated in the activities. Contemplated using the dictation feature on my iphone. That is how bad I crave organization.
It was fun and energizing. I learned new pathways to productivity nirvana.
And then, bam,  I felt incredibly OCD. As in get me the hell out here. MOVE!
Isn't there any crisis with one of my clients I can attend to? Please?
In a moment the presenter was just talking at me. The energy left.
I sat in front of a person just talking at me.
There was not discussion, no continued energy.
It's frustrating because there was a wave there.
And I know we need them both.
I should figure out how to organize by desk Feng Shei. It is peaceful and makes me want to get work done and just stare at my perfect desk at the same time. Odd.
Find that file in 30 seconds or less. That would be awesome!
I should and I do value this concept.
Concept and motion.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

{Well hello 3:00am}

“Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?"

"I give."

"You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.” 
― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest


This post is courtesy of awaking at 1:47 bright eyed and ready to GO! It most likely will not make sense to anyone but myself however, this shit needs to get out of my head. Pardon the language. I get crass when tired, stuck in traffic and playing tennis.

This early morning call seems to be the norm these last few weeks and I'm rolling with it.  So far I've managed to stay sane and can think of only one time I was ready to crash face forward into my desk from the exhaustion.  I'm feeling an interesting energy all around me and it's propeling me forward.  Lots of thoughts and ideas are coming to me and how they weave together is like a 1000 piece puzzle full of intricate detail.

How am handling this?

Notecards and Post-its.  Currently the ideas and to-do's are contained on the ever reliable, thank you 3MM post-it, the classic notecard, the slowly crashing on me iPhone 4s and my current favorite - the palm  and  top of my hand.   That last one gets iffy and I have to be careful not to wash away these notes before transfering to concrete, reliable surfaces  There is always a pen wrapped in the current snazzy low, I haven't had a haircut in a long time- ponytail.  It's convenient and works with a busy schedule.

At least I have a system.

Focusing these ideas and following through has always been a challenge for me. Especially when a lot of thoughts are swirling together at once.  However,  I have been reaping the dicipline and wisdom that comes with age and life experience and finally structure (albiet a loose one) to my life.  I am more patient these days. Restlessly patient.

The place I work really inspries me. It's a smaller companty with lots of potential and great vision.  There is a mix of people from different professions that collaborate real well.  I'm excited to be part of an organization that is growing from the ground up.  There is an openess and innovation that drives the work. I see it as an essential foundation in human services; necessary to match a rapidly changing culture with meeting peoples daily functional needs.  Most of our clients rely on other people from where I work or their family members for daily survival. It is a huge responsibility.

With that I am shutting this brain down (like right?) and going to run.

Peace out

Thursday, July 30, 2015


“How should we be able to forget those ancient myths that are at the beginning of all peoples, the myths about dragons that at the last moment turn into princesses; perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.
 you must not be frightened if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloudshadows, passes over your hands and over all you do. You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any miseries, or any depressions? For after all, you do not know what work these conditions are doing inside you.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
This is perfect
Rainer gets it.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

{Rolling Down the River}

“In the space between chaos and shape there was another chance.” ― Jeanette Winterson, The World and Other Places: Stories 
For everything there is a season -Multitude of wise people thru the years jul28 july28b July28c

A few months ago I was musing about vocation and the hunt for the perfect job. It's funny to me that when I feel I have figured out the formula to the universe's flow, I'm reminded in gentle, amusing ways that this is SO very not true. And that's cool Universe; I can't compete with Divine Knowledge.
It usually comes as intuitive uppercuts to the gut that strike as I'm buzzing quickly to work or in the long hours I spend in my car, spacing out to NPR and commuting to a new job site for a client visit. 

Ahhh yes, to everything there is most defiantly a season and that formula I'm no where near figuring out. I really dig my new job even though it's been an overwhelming training period. Working with people and having colleagues to team with to support people is something I've missed. It is, however, not quite what I expected but the surprises have wonderfully unfolded.

When I took this position I mistakenly thought it was a non-profit company. It was just a natural jump to conclusion from past experience and misreading the job company mission. Nice one for me. It is a for-profit social service agency and working for an organization like this my first experience. The differences are quite striking and I can't say that one is better than the other, expect for this season of my life it is close to perfect.

 I like feeling appreciated, respected and having professional colleagues who believe that "burn out" can be avoided by setting such things as boundaries and working 40 hours (give or take 10-15:)...) is healthy. Completely new arena for me. I'll call a spade a spade and say public education does not hold this mentality. Not to ruffle feathers, but I wouldn't wish burn out on my worst enemy. It's a dark place and difficult to manage. I also get the professional respect to flex my work day based on my caseload and paperwork (sooooo much eye-twitching induced paperwork) which is also perfect for how can be wired for success in all areas of my life. Thank you Universe!

 I'm off to a training an hour outside the Cities, and this drive I'm looking forward to as it takes me through some pretty parts of the Northwest Metro area. Mother Nature still calms me down even if it's only glimpses outside my car window. For the reason I enjoyed being a school counselor, I won't be doing the same thing I did yesterday. The day will be hold the variety that keeps me creatively invigorated and inspired.

 Wrapping it up, last week we had a management meeting and interspersed with professional development speakers and meetings we got to make art for therapeutic purposes and to be displayed in the office!

Stations of art projects were set up and colleagues were up to their knees in melted crayons, paints, paper products and glue.  The sounds of blow dryers buzzed in the background, and frequent surges of power outages occurred.  People not making art and working on their computers at their desks grumbled in the background.... It was messy art making at it's finest and everyone seemed to be relaxing and enjoying the process.

One  outside assignment was to photograph parts of Northeast Minneapolis, a area of the city I'm not familiar with. South Side, I know like the back of my hand. It's where I raised my kids and spent a majority of my life. I had this image of the NorthSide being ghetto and need I say boring. I slowly figure out through working in this area that the North Side is a collision of cultural, social and creative experiences.

So, I think I cried with joy from my desk when I got the emails with the details of the project. Good thing my-workers are cool and just chuckled at this display of delight. These are a few pictures I got from St. Anthony Main and the parking lot of my new favorite lunch spot the Rusty Taco (who, shout out, has the BEST black bean tacos...sprinkled with pumpkin seeds and goat cheese goodness). And with that, I sum up saying when work doesn't feel like work, at least 65% of the time, then I think one has stumbled upon true vocation. This is my newest formula..Now if I could figure out the secret to navigating major Highway Closures...I might have life figured out.

Saturday, July 18, 2015


“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” ― Mark Twain -july17a July17b I just really adore these pictures and thought I'd post them with random musings. One of my favorite parts of watching his games is the deliberation that takes place in between innings and such. I wonder what they are talking about with those 9 year old minds. As a mom I find in adorable. And the black marker shine that they put under their eyes also is interesting to me. I'm sure there is a formal word for it, but what I enjoy is how important it is to each of the boys on the team. I was talking with another mom at one game, curious if it made a difference. Like me, she had no idea. She hadn't even thought about it and gave me a smile. And last, the Hubba Bubba gum (in tow with it's giant bucket) and sunflower seeds which are trademark game snacks. For many reasons, I prefer the gum, as the sunflower seeds project a disturbing image of my son spitting chew at the tender age of nine. The game always ends with a snack given out by the coach's son who dangles it before the boys and runs around the field. The boys chase after and despite the win or loss of the game,grab their popsicle and head towards their loved ones. These games hold all sorts of summer delights and remind me of the simple things that make life great and what made my own summer precious when I was just nine.

Monday, July 6, 2015


“Do I dare 
Disturb the universe? 
In a minute there is time 
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.” 
― T.S. Eliot